Excuse me, if I type while toweling off, but I needed a shower after reading the terms of Deshaun Watson’s $230 million totally guaranteed contract with the Cleveland Browns.

One nifty feature is a base salary of a reported $1 million next year. The Browns wanted to protect Watson in case he’s suspended next season for alleged sexual misconduct claims by 22 women in a civil suit.

Give it to the Browns: They made no pretense of selling their soul. Watson wasn’t indicted of a crime by a grand jury. But the 22 women remain a career-staining stat. I’m all for second chances. But $230 million worth of second chances?

Here’s another sad part, local division: The Dolphins can’t even claim the moral high ground. Owner Steve Ross and general manager Chris Grier can’t say that, yeah, we’ll be 8-9 next season — and that’s how it looks from an admittedly unfinished offseason picture — but at least we stand for something. Because they didn’t. And they don’t.

Unless they stand for planned mediocrity, which is another two-decade subject entirely around this franchise.

Ross and Grier either chased Watson or were talked into chasing him by former coach Brian Flores in the middle of last season when it made for a public mess and pulled the rug from under quarterback Tua Tagovailoa. Either way, Ross and Grier were involved.

The Dolphins, of course, pulled out of the Watson derby after firing Flores in January. Or Watson pulled out on them, depending on which source is talking. It’s always a trip back to high school in these stories to hear who broke up first. What isn’t so foggy is who won.

One guy got $230 million. The Dolphins just fell behind another team in the AFC. Several other teams added to their lead in a way they lap the Dolphins after this first week of free agency. Do we need to list them?

Denver got an impact quarterback, Russell Wilson, and impact defensive end Randy Gregory. Las Vegas got defensive end Chandler Jones and receiver DeVante Adams. The Los Angeles Chargers added cornerback C.J. Jackson and edge rusher Khalil Mack. Throw in Kansas City and all had better roster talent even before this. past week.

That’s just the AFC West.

Cleveland got an impact quarterback in Watson. Cincinnati has started to give Joe Burrow an actual offensive line. Baltimore added a couple players but more importantly gets the most injured roster last year back healthy. That’s just the AFC North.

Oh, and there’s Buffalo in the AFC East. They signed an aging pass rusher like Von Miller, who can go either way. The larger point: Do the Dolphins look any closer to Buffalo today than they were in losing the past five games to them?

Short answer: Not unless the outside-zone blocking scheme of new coach Mike McDaniel is world changing.

The good news — and every column needs some — is for two decades everyone wondered when the Dolphins could pull even with New England. Well, that day has come. Their rosters look even now starting with an offensive line where the Dolphins haven’t done much and New England barely has enough linemen to line up.

We’ll see how it finishes. Maybe the Dolphins sign the top free-agent left tackle Terron Armstead. Maybe they get a fill-in like La’el Collins or even bring back Billy Turner. Or maybe they decide their line problems last year were all about coaching.

As it is, they’re hitting singles in free agency — keeping their players, upgrading the running-back room — while their direct competition is knocking it out of the park. They’ve had one master plan in recent years, just one: Tank the 2019 season. That’s about it as far as vision and grand strategy. That’s got them right back to being the mediocre team they tried to leave.

And now?

This past week couldn’t have gone as planned. Denver and Cleveland upgraded with impact quarterbacks. The Chargers retooled the 29th-ranked defense. Those three teams didn’t even make the playoffs last year.

The AFC is stacked with contenders. The Dolphins aren’t one of them. The offseason isn’t over. But when you look from March to November right now, it looks little different than it has for two decades.

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