“I forgive you,” George said softly as he stood next to me at Rosh Hashanah services.

We could not have known that a year later, on the second day of Rosh Hashanah, I would be having life-saving cancer surgery. At least we hoped it was going to be life-saving.

We could not have known how his words of forgiveness would affect my recovery. How it would lead me to celebrating my 25-year cancer survivor anniversary this week on Sept 22.

George and I had then been married for nine years. The past year had been rough in many small ways that could easily become big if not addressed. And George addressed them in three words: “I forgive you.”

For my part in our disharmony, he forgave me. I already knew that my part had been the larger part. But we never spoke of that. His forgiveness did not come with strings. It came because he valued me. He valued us.

It was many years prior to his conversion to Judaism, something neither of us could have anticipated at that time. He knew the holiday was important to me and he always accompanied me to services which meant so much to me. But I did not yet understand how deeply he understood the concept of forgiveness. More so than I.

The Jewish New Year tradition is to ask forgiveness to anyone you may have hurt during the year. It is not enough just to say “I’m sorry.” The essence is to make it right with the person you have wronged, to earn their forgiveness. By granting it before I asked for it, he wiped the slate clean. He wanted us to be OK. It may not have been Jewish by the book but it had a powerful effect on me. It gave me the strength for what was coming.

George was with me when we got my cancer diagnosis. His eyes were pained but his voice was strong. “It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be OK,” he said taking my hand. His resolve was unrelenting. He loved me enough to forgive me.

In the years that followed he reminded me, by deeds small and less small, of how lucky we were to have another day together.

It was George who started my survivor celebration at the Langham Huntington Hotel in Pasadena. Although he died five years ago, it will always be his party for me.

Along with surgeon Howard Silberman and oncologist Darcy Spicer of Norris Cancer Center, I am grateful to George for these 25 years.

Email [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @patriciabunin and at patriciabunin.com

Related Articles