By Shaun Tumpane

Laguna Woods Globe columnist

Everyone ages at their own pace, following all the DNA markers from ancestors both recent and ancient. It can also be said without fear of contradiction that each generation ages together as a group in a general sense.

With age comes gray hair (not necessarily wisdom), the midriff bulge aka the “pear shape,” the old man gait or “waddle,” age spots sometimes referred to as old folks’ freckles, and the always intricate comb over.

Comb overs come in a variety of styles: the exquisitely crafted part a half inch above the ear, then the 6-inch wave of hair, thinning by the second, that disappears behind the other ear.

Then there’s the halfway comb over, which begs the question, “Why bother?”

My hairstylist commented on my ever increasing bald spot, saying, “Why does no one belittle the guy who does the comb over front to back, but everyone derides the side to side version?”

The answer to that remains elusive. I don’t worry about my bald spot. I just make sure I hang around people who are shorter than I who can’t see the vanity of my coif. Once I sit down, however, the subterfuge is exposed, literally.

But let’s get back to the main topic: group aging and the self-delusion that accompanies it.

When I came to the Village in my mid-60s, I was overweight but not pear shaped as many of my golfing buddies were. During middle age, one’s girth is referred to as “my spare tire,” which an unbiased observer might describe as a bicycle, Volkswagen or even dump truck tire.

In our dotage, tire has given way to the more accurate descriptive term “pear shaped.”

Fast forward 10 years.

I’ve had an epiphany. Do I look the same as I did when driving through Gate 7 for the first time? Not bloody likely. I’m heavier, grayer (especially on my arms, which bothers me more than it should), more hair growing where I don’t want it to (nose, ears), parts of my body that keep growing (i.e. ears again) while other parts seem to be shrinking, although for many of us, we can’t really tell, between our fading eyesight and expanding girth.

However, the silver lining is that everyone around me, with a few notable exceptions, is also going to seed at basically the same rate.

So, compared to all my bros in the hood, I haven’t changed my position on the chart. What a blessing.

None of us look the same as we did a decade ago, but we do look the same relative to each other. That is, until and unless we gaze into a mirror after coming out of the shower. Talk about eye pollution! OUCH!

Shaun Tumpane is a Laguna Woods resident.