Imagine an arranged marriage where one eager partner offers flowers while the other smiles stiffly and backs away.

A match made in heaven!

When it comes to merging the (redundant overlapping patchwork quilt) of water districts in these parts — which could save ratepayers millions but slice jobs and precious political posts — that’s how it always goes. Yet despite their very different and passionate feelings about a potential union, Orange County’s two water overlords — the ardent Orange County Water District, which manages the enormous groundwater basin, and the reluctant Municipal Water District of Orange County, which imports water from afar — have ad hoc committees meeting regularly, as per the grand jury’s request, which might be akin to dowry negotiations.

And OCWD has officially asked the agency that oversees governmental consolidations to take a look.

“Orange County Water District has filed an application with LAFCO to prepare a Municipal Service Review that will in part (include) an analysis involving the feasibility of potential consolidation of OCWD and the Municipal Water District of Orange County,” said Carolyn Emery, executive officer of the Orange County Local Agency Formation Commission.

See, the Orange County grand jury prodded these two to finally hook up and become one — several times. They already share an office building. And an address. And an overarching mission. A county of 3 million people, plagued by drought, needs to finally speak with — and this is the latest grand jury’s flourish — “One Voice” on this critical resource.

It’s hard to convince agencies to favor their own demise. As a droll government-merger exec recently observed, “It’s something called ‘parochialism.’ Sometimes they pay their board of directors’ members a stipend. Sometimes the directors don’t want to give up that stipend, or the status that goes with it. Sometimes they’re opposed even if it would be logical. Sometimes.”

No thank you

This, friends, may be one of those “sometimes.”

MWDOC has a new lobbyist at work representing its interests (read: survival), and has panned the idea of a merger. Managing groundwater and importing water from afar are distinct tasks, and a merger could cost money rather than save it, it argues. It appears to be holding its nose as this process progresses.

“(M)embers of our boards have met to discuss avenues where greater collaboration can benefit our various stakeholders. A board retreat has been discussed,” said MWDOC spokesman Damon Micalizzi.

“Truly though, if consolidation discussions were to realize a savings for the public (which, to date, they do not), the venture would also need the buy-in of our member agencies. … So far, we’ve only heard vehement NOs from our member agencies as it pertains to consolidation.”

OCWD, meanwhile, sees many benefits, including a strong, united voice on water issues; singular leadership in conservation strategies, public outreach and education; increased coordination on the financial and capital project fronts; more influence at the local, state and federal levels; and (gasp!) cost savings by eliminating duplications of administrative, professional, consultant, lobbying and other expenses.

Enter now Brett Barbre, a Yorba Linda Water District board member who once served on MWDOC’s board, and thinks it’s high time the two water giants take the plunge. Barbre is circulating a consolidation plan that would reduce the number of elected board members on a unified water agency from 14 to eight. Sacre bleu!

“Consolidation is in the best interest of long-term survivability,” Barbre said. “Reducing the number of water agencies would set a very positive example. Being unified would make for a much stronger Orange County delegation up at Met.”

Met, in case you’re not up on the lingo, is the gargantuan Metropolitan Water District of Southern California, which imports water for more than 19 million people in our thirsty region. Seats on that board equal power. Barbre had one when he was on MWDOC’s board.

Under Barbre’s proposal, the three legacy cities that have long had their own water departments — Anaheim, Fullerton and Santa Ana — would retain their coveted seats on Met’s board. The trio would also appoint reps to the new unified agency’s board. That would give the new agency a total of 11 board members.

Civil water war?

Understand that there’s north-south tension here.

North county residents enjoy cheap groundwater (OCWD) and are far less dependent on expensive imports (MWDOC). South county residents rely almost exclusively on expensive imports. Northerners have feared that southerners will try to stick their straws into the groundwater basin via consolidation  — but “consolidation will not change existing groundwater or surface water rights” under the Barbre proposal.

Enter now another big gorilla in O.C.’s Water World — the Irvine Ranch Water District.

It “wholly disagrees” with the grand jury’s conclusion that the county’s water system is fragmented (apparently, 13 water agencies plus 16 or so city water departments isn’t fragmented), or that speaking with a single voice would improve anything.

We sensed a wee “harumph!” in Irvine Ranch’s response to the grand jury’s praise for OCWD as a “recognized worldwide leader in groundwater resource management and reclamation,” and the idea that OCWD’s leadership, innovation and expertise should expand countywide to develop innovative programs.

Irvine Ranch, after all, gave the world the purple pipe that delivers recycled water for irrigation.

“IRWD believes good governance includes analyzing alternative arrangements that may improve how public agencies provide services,” spokesman John Fabris said by email. “The concept of a MWDOC/OCWD consolidation has been discussed for nearly 40 years. … We have consistently advocated that conversations about forming a single wholesale water agency should begin with MWDOC and OCWD, with participation from all the local water agencies and cities that provide water directly to customers.”

Instead, one agency appears to be posturing to take over another agency without its consent, he noted.

Irvine Ranch Water District’s purple pipes deliver recycled water.

Behind the scenes, lobbyists are at work poo-pooing the idea. It would require legislative tweaks — OCWD and MWDOC were created under different sections of state water law — as well as the blessing of O.C.’s Local Agency Formation Commission (which nods enthusiastically when two agencies volunteer to wed, but doesn’t force matchmaking, to the chagrin of many).

If you ask the ardent party, those are small tasks easily tackled. If you ask the other, they’re nearly unsurmountable.

Irvine Ranch, which has absorbed several smaller districts, has shown us how these things can work: Acknowledge inherent avarice, keep the two governing boards operating after merging at full pay and perks, then reduce board membership as time goes by until the two organizations are fully integrated.

For better or worse, there won’t be a wedding registry for this contentious couple any time soon.

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