The caution sign on the new monster dumpster says: “Keep off! Do not climb in, on or occupy this container for any purpose.”

Now let’s see … for what purpose might I want to do any of those things? Maybe in the ‘70s because they were certainly a wild ride — but now I’m in my 70’s. Totally different story.

In all my neurotic dreams and fantasies, I can’t even begin to imagine what would possess me to want to climb on or into one of those monstrously huge new dumpsters. Being 4 foot 10 inches (Yikes! I’m shrinking!) and the dumpster being 4 foot 5 inches, I’d still need a ladder.

And as I look around the Village, I see a lot of other little munchkins like myself … or call yourself petite if you prefer … very, very petite.

And as far as occupying the dumpsters, I love my cottage and everything about it. The moment I moved to the Village and learned that our houses were called manors, that was enough for me. I immediately became immersed in the bubble that said, “Hey! You live in the Cotswolds in England and have your very own Jeeves-type butler.”

I love living my little British fantasy. So no, I don’t want to occupy a dumpster. And can you even imagine how much mail I would get addressed to Occupant?

I know it must be difficult for Village powers-that-be to deal with the challenges brought by the changing world today. And yes, I believe we should start trying to redeem ourselves for basically trashing our planet. So, the new dumpsters and the compost bins would seem a step in the right direction.

Yes, and about composting. Seems like a good idea. But could we start with the next generation, please, oh please. I’m ever so diligent in separating the recyclables and placing them in the blue dumpster.

But the complexities of separating the other garbage into what is to go into the composting bin sends my brain into a tailspin.

Well, good luck, Village management. It’s easy to see what a conundrum this whole thing can be for you. And I wish you well in moving forward.

But as for me, all of this is just too much for my little pea brain to handle. Maybe others feel the same way. Maybe Saddleback College should offer Emeritus classes in Composting and Monster Dumpsters for Seniors.

Diane Duray is a Laguna Woods Village resident. Email her at [email protected].