Running off at the typewriter …
Turns out that Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady is not only the NFL’s GOAT, he’s also the NFL’s cow — cash cow.
As reported by the New York Post earlier this week, Brady will join Fox Sports as its lead NFL analyst when his playing career ends and will sign a 10-year, $375 million contract — the most lucrative contract in sports broadcasting history.
$375 million?
Are you kidding me?
Texas A&M could sign three recruiting classes with $375 million!!!
OK, maybe only two recruiting classes, but you get the idea.
Amazingly, if Brady retires after this season, he will have earned about $315 million in 23 years as a quarterback in the NFL, which means his 10-year Fox contract (if the New York Post figures are correct) will pay him $60 million more than he made in his entire NFL playing career.
I do have one question for Fox executives, though.
It’s great you’re offering Brady a 10-year deal and paying him all this money, but, um, what happens if he’s not good as a TV analyst?
What happens if he turns out like a couple of other GOATs?
Remember former quarterbacking GOAT Joe Montana, who lasted just nine games at NBC before the two entities decided to pull the plug on the experiment? Montana obviously knew the game, but his takes were more boring than waiting for your iPhone to re-charge.
And then there was running back GOAT Emmitt Smith, who gave us such mangled monologues as: “The strengths of the Patriots team got debacled!” Or: ” They do a very good job of flying around and carousing the football.”
Personally, I think Brady will be just fine as a Fox analyst, but it’s not a guarantee — and certainly not a $375 million guarantee.
Just because you’re a GOAT on the field doesn’t mean you can’t be b-a-a-a-a-d in the broadcast booth.
Short stuff: Speaking of Brady and the Tampa Bay Bucs, here’s your stat of the week: When the Bucs play in Munich on Nov. 13, Brady will become the first quarterback to start in four different countries and needs just 258 yards to break the NFL career passing record for yards thrown on foreign soil. The record is held by none other than — wait for it — former UCF and Oviedo High quarterback Blake Bortles. … According to the Sports Business Journal, the NCAA has lifted restrictions on title sponsors for bowl games with newly eligible categories including “sin industries such as sportsbooks, beer, spirits and adult entertainment.” Writes Gainesville Sun columnist David Whitley: “I don’t want to sound like your Sunday school teacher, but I fear there might be a special circle of hell reserved for bowl reps wearing ‘Sex-Toys-R-Us Bowl.’ blazers.” By the way, if we’re going to start including “sin industries,” then shouldn’t there be a “Cable News Bowl” or a “Pandering Politician Bowl”? Just wondering. …
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish, and he’s going to drink a lot of beer for a day. … Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “Phil Mickelson racked up gambling losses of $40 million from 2010 to 2014, according to author Alan Shipnuck in his forthcoming biography of the PGA star. You just know some wiseacre will be screaming, ‘Get out of the hole!’ the next time he putts.” … Back in the day, the star-studded Cincinnati Reds were known as the “The Big Red Machine.” These days, the pathetic team (7-24) should be called “The little red wagon with the bottom rusted out, a broken handle and one wheel missing.” … Elon Musk says he wants to reverse the Twitter ban on Donald Trump. In related news, Pete Rose is lobbying for Musk to buy the Baseball Hall of Fame. … Headline at TheOnion.com: “Diminished James Harden not flopping with same agility.”
Former Jaguars kicker Josh Lambo has filed a lawsuit seeking his $3.5 million salary for last season plus damages for emotional distress caused by former head coach Urban Meyer kicking him and verbally abusing him. I’m certainly no fan of Meyer, but if football players start suing coaches for verbal abuse, then the coaching talent pool will be emptier than the bleachers at a USFL game. … From Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune when Raiders owner Mark Davis said his team would welcome QB Colin Kaepernick “with open arms”: “Sure. Venus de Milo arms.” … When it was announced earlier this week that Denver Nuggets big man Nikola Jokic had won the NBA’s Most Valuable Player award for a second consecutive year, many of national talking heads began ripping the selection and saying that Philadelphia’s Joel Embiid had been robbed. Puh-leeze! Jokic had a historic season (first player ever to eclipse 2,000 points, 1,000 rebounds and 500 assists in a season) and was a one-man band who led the Nuggets into the playoffs. Don’t get me wrong, Embiid is a great player and would have been a deserving MVP as well, but if he were the Nuggets’ centerpiece I’m not sure if they even make the playoffs. …
Did you see where two Dallas Mavericks fans were ejected from the arena this past week for giving “unwanted hugs” to members of Chris Paul’s family. Unwanted hugs? Hey, has Paul’s family been talking to my ex-girlfriend? … Mississippi State coach Mike Leach on 80-to-1 longshot Rich Strike winning the Kentucky Derby: “That horse winning the Kentucky Derby is a good example of why an expanded college football playoff is needed. That horse hadn’t won all the races leading up, but it got its chance and that’s what happened.” I get Leach’s point, but Rich Strike has only two wins in eight starts. Does this mean we have to let USF in the College Football Playoff?
Last word: With Thursday being National Limerick Day, we give you this old Scottish gem:
“While a man was golfing in Fife,
A funeral cortege was arife,
His head bowed in prayer,
At this somber affair,
To pay last respects to his wife!”
Email me at [email protected]. Hit me up on Twitter @BianchiWrites and listen to my Open Mike radio show every weekday from 6 to 9:30 a.m. on FM 96.9, AM 740 and HD 101.1-2
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